Guess what? Yesterday was MY BIRTHDAY! I turned FIVE yesterday.
And my mom forgot all about it! Can you believe that? So in honor of that grievous error, here are the Thirteen Things I am going to do to torture my mother because she forgot my birthday.
1) Poop on the floor in the bathroom so she steps in it when she gets out of the shower.
2) Keep her awake all night by bunny kicking her or pushing her out of bed.
3) Use her head for whapping target practise.
4) Barf up all my food right before she leaves for work, making her clean it up and be late for work.
5) Bark at everyone and everything.
6) Escape from the back yard. Maybe go see Monty.
7) Not come in when she takes me out. Do you know how hard it is to find a black dog in a big yard in the DARK?
8) Eat her supper when she's not looking.
9) Chew her purse, her thumb drive her cell phone and all her pens.
10) Run away from her when it is time for bed
11) Sleep with PlusOne instead of her.
12) Totally ignore her and only sit on dad.
13) Pee on the bed (her side), or on her karate gi.
What do you think? Is that enough torture for her forgetting my FIFTH birthday?